Article | Fabulous Women

Charmed Im Sure Life Coach Carole Ann Rice shows you how to give yourself a charisma make-over

Posted on 24/04/2012

Ever seen a stranger at a party who seems to light up the room by their very presence? They may not be the best looking or have that sartorial edge but they somehow seem incandescent as they leave in their wake amused, delighted and admiring faces.

John Mason Brown, an American writer, once said that that: Charm is a glow within a woman that casts a most becoming light in others and never a truer word was spoken about this elusive attribute.

Clothes may maketh the man or the woman but charm renders us immortal. People will remember you long after the party is over, think with fondness of the aura you create and will genuinely look forward to being in your company again if you are blessed with charm.

So are we born with the power to be effortlessly persuasive or can charisma be learned and cultivated to work for you and those around you?

Just think of the worlds most charming people from Stephen Fry to George Clooney or the late Princess of Wales to Michele Obama. All people for whom grace and charm outshines the brittle beauty of say Angelina or Victoria Beckham.

Its the ability to create connectedness, intimacy or to make others feel at ease; all precious gifts that go beyond looking good or competitiveness.

So how can you access and flex your charm gene?
Here are a few simple steps to take you from lack lustre to legend or from zero to hero; a charisma make-over to help you win friends and influence people in the most delightful way, of course.

Put others first Most of us are scared, lonely and feeling insecure so make it your priority to put people at ease. Be helpful and introduce them to others, get them what they need and be genuinely interested in them and what they have to say. Most people are starved of truly being heard so do others the honour of listening and being interested in what they say even if it is dull, its meaningful to the person imparting the information, so honour that.
Act The Part In coaching we often ask our clients to act as if they already were the person they so want to be. Whether its successful, more attractive or more charming act as if you were that already and see your energy change and note how others energy changes around you. Pretty soon everyone will believe the message you are putting out there.
Dare to open your heart Be generous to a fault. Give things away; pass on contacts and details that could be helpful to others and enquire about peoples health, loved ones and little stories they may have told you before. An act of kindness is never wasted.
Give compliments freely Find excuses to praise others and make people feel good. But the important this is to really mean it or it may come across as disingenuous or false. For example a subtle way of complimenting someone could be: Oh I can imagine you would be very good at that.. or that colour really suits your skin colouring and looks so fresh.
Learn to accept compliments Be gracious when others praise you. To assume someones compliment was a throwaway remark and to shrug it off dismissively is hurtful to others. It is meant with genuine intent so thank the giver and say kindly (even if you do feel uncomfortable) How kind of you to have noticed- which acknowledges the other person in a thoughtful way that will please them.
Be up to date This doesnt mean you have to know the latest Parliamentary chess move but be up on current affairs, pop culture or sports news. You dont have to have an encyclopedic knowledge of Greek tragedies but have a few relevant issues of the day tucked up your sleeve to drop into conversation or get over uncomfortable silences. Be sure to include others and orient the conversation around the topics which interest them.
Dont argue Being disagreeable, anxious to prove a point, pedantic or argumentative may feel right at the time but its rarely an attractive trait. Learn to disagree in a way that shows respect. For example try: Well you raise an interesting point there which I hadnt considered. How did you come about that idea? Needless to say swearing, cursing, be-littling or gossiping are also off limits.
Accept yourself and others Feeling good in your own skin, the way you look and having compassion for yourself and others will endear you to those around you. How many times have we seen beautiful women be-moaning their weight, discussing painful and restrictive diets or others putting themselves down in front of others. Its very dull. No matter how you look you will not be attractive to yourself and others until you practice self forgiveness and acceptance.

So, can charisma be learned? Most certainly. But you have to want to charm and be bothered to put others first. Its not about manipulation or being false but treating others with consideration and a little bit of savoir faire. The rewards could be abundant as Beyonce once sighed: Im a sucker for a charming person.

Instant Tips on Creating Charisma
Make a habit of remembering and using peoples names. Its flattering to be remembered but over-using names comes across as insincere and salesy
Smile! When you meet someone smile big and broadly and shake hands or hug with warmth and not crushing over-enthusiasm or limp indifference
Remember first impressions last. Look good, well groomed and confident
Make eye contact meet peoples eye and maintain good eye contact to show sincerity. Looking away suggests shiftiness or discomfort
Get yourself out of the way. This isnt about you remember?
Notice the small things. Pick on a pretty pair of earrings or enquire about personal tit bits you have already gleaned from the other person
Make em laugh. Learn a few witty remarks or gags to loosen up the conversation
Leave them wanting more Dont overstay your welcome. Less can sometimes be more when making an impression

Why not book a free 30 minute session with Carole Ann? www.realcoachingco.com

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